Friday, July 23, 2010

Thoughts from a morning read

I'm hugely selfish.

I think I always have been. I go through phases where I like to pretend like I'm not because I'm developing some sort of misplaced "I'm awesome" perspective that is usually founded in the idea that I'm doing more than other people. This is messed up, because in reality the reason I'm awesome is solely because of the worth that has been given me by Christ and I really have nothing to do with that.

One of the ways this selfishness manifests itself is in the way that I distance myself from people who I perceive to be "uncool." I usually do this because I worry that if people see me hanging out with said "uncool" folk, the cool people will realize how truly uncool I also am and will subsequently have nothing to do with me.

I'm uncool.

Saying that outloud is probably a good thing because I want to embrace it, to cherish it, to realize that this messed up, selfish, broken, at times socially awkward person still gets to hang out with Jesus (which is pretty stinking rad) so why wouldn't I want to share that experience with everyone, especially the people I perceive to be uncool. If the best part of my relationship with Christ is the love he gave me that I did nothing to deserve, shouldn't I desire to share that with everyone, regardless of their status. Or, perhaps, in response to their status? I mean, wasn't Jesus' big thing to hang out with the outcasts of society anyway?

I suck at this (please excuse the crude expression). I try desperately to hang out with people who I think will improve my social status. Jesus always hung out with people who ruined his. I worry that people will see me for who I really am. Jesus points out that he wants to love us for who we really are and he's not ashamed for the world to know it. I think it's all about me. Jesus always pointed out that it wasn't even about Him, it was about reconciling people to the Father.

God, give me the strength to be real, to be honest, to hang out with and love everyone you put in my path because I'm really bad at it.

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