I think that I have a misplaced sense of recognition. For most of my life, I've been desperate for the sort of recognition that sets me apart as great, significant. I say that this is misplaced because, at the end of the day it is completely irrelevant.
I was thinking about the parable where the vineyard workers come for pay at the end of the day and the ones who started in the morning get paid the same as the ones who started in the last hour of the day (Matt. 20). If I'm honest, I really don't like this parable, because the self-centered part of me likes to envision a heaven where I arrive and God says "Chris you were a way better Christian than those guys over there." But I'm realizing that that's nothing like what God's actually like.
God recognizes his son Jesus as someone in which he's well pleased before Jesus does a single miracle. Vineyard workers get paid the same no matter how long they worked. The messed up and broken get redeemed. Nineveh gets a second chance.
I'm babbling I know, but I'm realizing that I don't earn favor anymore than I lose it. I am loved and recognized by God because of who He is not because of what I've done. That is a scary, but ultimately incredibly freeing thought. I get loved no matter what, which means it's really not about what I do, it's about the fact that I'm loved. And the cool part of that love relationship is that I get to be a part of God doing pretty awesome stuff. But even when that happens, I don't get to go "wow check me out God did stuff through me" I just get to marvel at how amazing God actually is. That's pretty amazingly freeing because it sets us free to worship without obligation. To worship a God who loves us in spite of ourselves. To be a part of a life that's not about us. That's so incredibly cool.