Thursday, June 18, 2009

3S1P: Sentimentality

1) "The Closest Thing" The Juliana Theory
2) "Lonesome Tears" Beck
3) "For Me This is Heaven" Jimmy Eat World

I have a tendency to appreciate sentiment and mistrust it all at the same time. I think there are a number of reasons for this. I moved pretty consistently when I was a kid, so I had a tendency to assume that any relationship I had outside of my family was going to be pretty fleeting. As a result, I began to treat relationships as fairly disposable. I would move and then move on. I still do this. I can't tell you how many people in my life I've really connected with only to completely lose contact with them after I moved. I think this was exacerbated by the fact that the few times I tried to keep track with a group of friends from the last place I lived never really panned out. This was before the age of Facebook and email and without face to face contact it wasn't the same. Those friendships just died. So I began to see them for what they were, temporary. I still struggle with that.

The other aspect of this mistrust for sentiment is the fact that I still struggle with a fear that, after a while, people will figure out who I really am and then not want to spend time with that person. This arises out of the fact that I have been pretty good in the past at fitting in with any group of people, with modifying my behavior and mannerisms to match the behavior of the group (kind of like the way that Carson Daly used to get all "YO YO YO" whenever a rapper came on TRL). So there's this mistrust in sentimental moments because I secretly assume that sooner or later the person I'm sharing that moment with will get to know me, really get to know me, and just be over it. I'm getting better at not giving into that.

That all being said, there's still the side of me that stinking loves the sentimental. I love everything in E.T. after he gets revived. I could watch the scene in Chariot's of Fire where he comes from behind to win the race after falling a million times. Heck, I even dig Moulin Rouge! There are just certain things that get me. They make me stop and instantly transport me to that "Life is pretty rad" sort of moment. Jimmy Eat World used to do that for me on the regular. This was especially true of Clarity, which I think was their best album. It was an album that made no bones about plucking the heartstrings as frequently as possible and "For Me This is Heaven" is no exception. The outro keeps repeating "Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight?" It's stupid. It's kitschy. It's sappy. It's also pretty stinkin' brilliant. It's brilliant because, if you let it, it reminds you how rad it is to be lost in those euphoric feelings that a new relationship brings. That feeling you don't want to lose. There's so much hope. There's so much hope that these early moments are glimpses of thousands to come. That phase changes you. It makes you feel like you'd blow off everybody else for that person. That feeling may not last. At that moment, the tension rears its ugly head. Do I hold to hope and risk the relationship failing in an effort to see it work? Or do I give into the mistrust and jump ship? Do I assume that nothing like that lasts? I have to choose one and I want to choose wisely. But, to be honests I still don't know how to do that. And at the end of the song, I feel like J.E.W. are acknowledging that they don't really know either. The song just kind of drops, fades away. There are no promises of tomorrow or guarantees that things will work out at the end. We are left to wonder if this will make it. The voices dropping out even adds an element of despair. It's this sense that the odds may not be good in this situation, that it won't work out. But despite all that, Jimmy still gets us to hope it will.

1 comment:

hj said...

dude, it's heather in minneapolis. this post=good. nicely put. hope you're well.