3rd Song 1st Person:

So here it is, for the next couple weeks (we'll see if I make it that far) I'm going to try something a little different in hopes of writing more consistently. Call it an experiment. I'm going to write a post every day in the theme "3rd Song 1st Person." Every day I'll write a post on the 3rd song that comes up on my iPod when I hit shuffle songs. There are a few stipulations: must be a song, must be the third song, can only start the shuffle once, no cheating. I'll list the songs that came in first and second. Feel free to check them out on IMEEM or Lala if you want to get a better feel for where I'm coming from. We'll see how it goes.

*Disclaimer* Today's song contains mature thematic material... it's a portrait of Lupe Fiasco's early upbringing and isn't sugar coated in any sense. Keep that in mind before you look up the lyrics.

Sunday June 7th, 2009
1) "In the Blood" by Better than Ezra
2) "Idioteque" by Radiohead
3) "Hurt Me Soul" by Lupe Fiasco

Dang, this shuffle took a left turn... sort of. Lupe may be the most emo rapper I know of, in a really good way. He's a master of recognizing the dualities within his own personality. The mix of influences, tastes, etc. I can relate to that, especially lately. I was hanging out with Audrey and Benson this past week, talking to Audrey about identifying the false self/selves that I am pretty quick to put up. Meaning this, I'm pretty good at acting exactly the way that I think people will relate to the best/like the most. This is exacerbated by the fact that I'm kinda freakin intuitive so most of the time I'm right about the way they want me to act. The cool thing about these last couple weeks is I've been learning just to be myself and let all those random influences combine in the way that is most comfortable/closest to the way that God made me instead of trying to call upon the particular interests/personality traits that I think fit the best in whatever situation I'm in.

That's kind of why I love that this is my first 3rd song. Southern rock bleeds into art rock bleeds into a rapper that is "american mentally with japanese tendencies, parisian sensibilities" This is like a gumbo mix. In "Hurt Me Soul" Lupe is reflecting on all of the different influences that have come his way, the loss of his innocence, the infiltration of his spirituality with his love for hip-hop with a back drop of all the chaos and turmoil that is surrounding him in the world. It's a really heavy song over a really mellow beat. This is Lupe in a nutshell: Hooks that scream dancefloor, lyrics that take an unflinching look at the social ills that surround him. What I love about Lupe is that when he criticizes he does it from a position of humility. If there are no holds barred, he's coming after his own shortcomings as well. He looks at life in the inner city, the faults present in hip hop, the ills that plague America and the world and acknowledges the fact that it is killing him on the inside.

So... how does the song relate to the self-reflection? I lament the fact that I've tried to hide who I really am so many times. I regret that I haven't let God use the mess that is me more frequently for fear of what man thinks. I'm not in a place as heavy as Lupe is in this song, but I do regret the fact that I haven't been more genuine towards people. More genuine about who I really am and more genuine about what I really think.

I am a geek, a nerd, I love disney, technology, rap, horrible r&b, clothes, I'm far too materialistic, I sing in public, I would dance in public if I wasn't such a chicken :). I am not cool, I am far too emo, I'm sentimental to a fault, I'm to insecure for my own good, I'm also too cocky for my own good.

I think that most people I know are either too liberal or too conservative, I get tired of people taking out other people behind each others backs, I'm not forgiving enough, I think the church is in danger of losing sight of what it means to love the sinner but hate the sin because it's embarrassed by the ways in which the sin has taken the front seat in the past, I'm charismatic, I believe that God still actively engages in the world, I'm not really a Republican, not really a democrat, because I think that both will always fall ridiculously short of what we could do in this country if we were sold out for Jesus. I really get tired of people who talk about global politics who have never visited the countries that they have such strong opinions about, I think the Church needs to start tithing or we are in danger of becoming the Rich Man to the world's Abraham. And things don't end up well for the rich man. I don't think being rich makes you a Pharisee. I think that social justice can be an idol just as much as money can. I think that there is a right answer. I think I ignore it to often and it hurts my soul.