I've become way more aware of the fact that I try way too hard to establish myself. I don't know where this trend came from but I fall into it super easily. It's this whole subconscious attempt to let people know who I am. I AM IMPORTANT! I am intelligent! I am strong! Why? It's this endless game of trying to passively gain other respect. It's an overflow of the type of insecurity that strikes and makes you concerned that other people don't give you enough credit that other people don't value your worth enough.
I think guys do this all the time, but I hear girls do it too so maybe that's just an unnecessary generalization. We do it through our speech, through gaining definition from our occupations, through our purchases, through our relationships. It's like we're all trying to win this competition that no one will admit they're entered in but everyone is playing and desperate to win. It's the reason we go immediately go to occupation and education when we start conversation with people. It's the reason that we care more about flash than substance. I'm just kind of over it. Well, no that's not true. I'm not over it at all. I'm desperate to have people appreciate my intelligence, my humor, my sarcasm, my accomplishments but I'm realizing that chasing that kind of recognition is an incredibly frustrating and rarely rewarding pursuit. So, I'm kind of over chasing it and I'm desperate to stop acting that way.