So I was watching "Life as a House" the other night. Man that's a bad movie. It's cheesy in all the wrong ways. Hayden Christensen (sp?) can't act to save his life. It's melodramatic. It's ridiculous. It also makes a really amazing point.
We are all so desperate to maintain the life that we think we're supposed to. We all do this in different ways. Some life out of a sense of obligation and pursue responsibility at the expense of happiness. Some try forever to maintain the identity they feel will give them meaning. Some try to overcome a sense of obligation that they have to achieve. Some try to please everybody.
I definitely fall into that last category and I'm realizing how miserable that can truly be. I really freaking care way too much about what other people think. I hold back when I should be honest in the name of protecting feelings. I'm often only half honest in the name of protecting community. I try to act the way that I think everybody wants me to act when I walk into a room.
The thing that the movie really hit me with is that acting honestly and genuinely pisses off a lot of people. It really does. But it also really means a lot to a select group of people and those are the people that you want around in the end. I mean, who needs 5000 friends. Forget you facebook you're messing up my perspective on everything.
I have no illusions that I'm instantly going to start being completely honest with people. This is totally one of those processes that will probably take a very, very long time. But I'm going to get there. So help me I'll get there.