Perspective is a funny thing. It can literally dominate the way that we live our lives if we allow it to and it's often only as accurate as our understanding is. I feel like I don't understand most deeper issues, so that's a little disconcerting. We've started each morning this week on the roof of the school. We watch the sun come up over Mukono, throw on some sunscreen, drink some coffee, and get ready for the day. While we were up there the other day, one of my students said she thought I should read Judges 6. So I did.
That kid read my mail.
Judges 6 is literally a chapter of God trying over and over to reform the identity that Gideon has for himself. God starts the chapter off by calling Gideon a mighty warrior. Gideon spends the rest of the chapter trying to prove him wrong. God tells Gideon to do something. Gideon carries it out at night so that no one sees him doing it. God tells Gideon to do something else and Gideon asks for confirmation, reconfirmation, re-reconfirmation. And still, this is the man that God considers a mighty warrior.
I've been realizing over the last few days that I spend a lot of time chasing who I think I am. And this is often defined by what I think I can't do, what I think my limitations are, what I think are my shortcomings. I try to frame myself in. I'm just being realistic right? I'm just trying to pursue what's possible or what's pragmatic. This kind of approach, though, keeps leaving me restless, feeling like there's something missing. I'm beginning to realize that as long I try to be what I think I can be, I'll never fully become what I was actually intended to be. Which would be a shame really, that could be pretty cool.