Monday, June 6, 2011

Ninja Time

Man I hate group dynamics. Perhaps this is too severe. I really dislike group dynamics. Not strong enough. I loathe group dynamics.


There's something about spending time in any group that swells past 4 or 5 people that just makes me lose my bacon. This is something of an odd thing considering I'm pretty much the poster boy for the ENFP crowd (Myers-Briggs... google it if you're curious). But I really have a hard time in situations like these. I think it's something about the fact that once you get to a group this size one of two things are happening. You're either superficially connecting with everyone in the room or engaging with a few select people and then blowing the rest of the room off.

I don't really know how either of those options are supposed to sound like a good idea. I've spent way too much of my life investing in superficial relationships and I don't know if I have much time for it anymore. Now, some might counter this and say "it's a party dude, lighten up, have a good time." But that's just it... I feel like more and more often we (church friends? non church friends? me? where I work?) try to construct social situations where we don't really have to be vulnerable, or real, or authentic, and everything can be about a mile wide and two inches deep. Which is a super way to go through life without having to really know anybody (apologies Good Will Hunting).

I'm just to the point where I'd rather spend 2 hours really connecting with a handful of friends that hours skimming over the surface of a community. This is why I ninja out. The whole goodbye thing in a group setting that large seems superficial. "Goodbye friend, we didn't really talk all night, but it was great to see you." Really? Seriously? So I just bail. Because when I feel like a goodbye is significant, I'll give one. Of course this policy has led me to some epically bad attempted subtle exits from parties... but such is life.


Adam Heine said...

"...or engaging with a few select people and then blowing the rest of the room off."

You say that like it's a bad thing. This is what I do all the time. It works.

Whytey said...

Adam, we've done this for entire Thailand trips... this is why you're my brother... but in all seriousness I hate that kind of group dynamic.