So, this just might be the start of an incessant stream of blog posts. Apologies to start: if you aren't in for my stream of consciousness ramblings, there's no offense taken. Feel free to surf your way on and I'll be happy as a clam. I realized the other day when my friend Audrey commented on fb that I hadn't written a single blog post over the last month. This, in reflection, seems odd since I started this blog to have a place to reflect on the things that I learned while traveling and I've been traveling for the past month. Why the silence? Well, to be honest, I haven't really been ready to verbalize any of it up to this point. But over the course of the past week I've realized that there's a lot that's really solidified for me, so here we go. There will probably be a lot of these. Consistent readers, thanks for your patience (hi mom).
Over the past month I've been a bit of all over the place. I went to York, Edinburgh, Liverpool, and London with my dad and Bangkok and Udon Thani with a group from my school. It's all kind of been a blur, this long mashup of different experiences, but it's one of the best travel spells I've been on in a long time. One of those good for the soul experiences that stands out. When we were in Liverpool (my dad and I) we found ourselves gravitating towards a lot of the Beatles themed experiences. The Beatles are one of those bands we've always bonded over. Abeey Road is one of my dad's favorite albums and my first introduction to rock 'n' roll. What was interesting is how much the experience changed my perception of the band.
You see, I've always been more of Paul fan than anything else. I thought he had a musicality that was unrivaled, I really dug his lyrics, felt like he was the glue that held the band together. I couldn't be farther from that opinion now.
John's my favorite, no question.
Moving through the beatles museums and galleries and experiences I realized that Paul literally spent his entire life trying to please everyone, making art that would appeal to everyone. He was the accessible one, the one who wrote music that warmed your soul but never really challenged you. John was the polar opposite: the rebel who refused to be edited, to change who he was for critical reception. This manifested itself in so many ways across the span of his life. Early on he was the snarky jokester using sarcasm to communicate his opinions. Later he was the defiant protester, questioning the status quo and confidently speaking his mind. And the more I saw John being true to who he was, the more disillusioned I became with Paul.
I'm way too much like Paul.
The single thought that resonated with me over and over again in Liverpool was that nobody likes you if you rock the boat, but it's hard to look at yourself in the mirror if you don't. You see, for whatever reason, God made me the person that I am and I don't think it was to placate people. I'm way to afraid of tension/friction... always trying to consider every member of the community and the problem with that is I'll never truly have the impact I could if I'm constantly trying to filter myself down into a version that doesn't offend anyone. I need to be me, people will be offended, that's ok.
I disagree with a lot of what Lennon said, but man I respect the fact that he never filtered himself, never shyed away from speaking out against what he didn't approve of. I'm at a point where that's what I want. I'd rather speak my mind and be accepted and rejected for what I really believe than try to placate everyone I meet. I'm tired of being digestible, safe, widely accepted. There needs to be tension otherwise nothing in this world will ever change and if nothing ever changes what's the point of being here in the first place.