Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Digital Disconnect

So I bailed on the iPhone. My phone was starting to glitch and faced with the prospect of having to fork over another 300 dollars to replace the thing, I started evaluating whether or not it was actually worth it. After a lot of thought/prayer/etc. I finally decided to bail on it. It's crazy how happy I've been with the decision.

I'm startled by how much time I spent on the thing.

I had a sense before, sure, mostly because my friends would give me crap about it. But not having it anymore, I'm keenly aware of how often I reach for it as a sort of security blanket, a digital fix to provide a virtual escape when my actual surroundings become intimidating. I have this real tendency to retreat when things become uncomfortable (hence the reason I ninja out of parties as opposed to actually saying goodbye to people) and the iPhone provided a ready retreat. As a result, I found there were a lot of times were I felt like I had no idea how to engage with people. I was so comfortable avoiding that when it wasn't an option, I wasn't totally sure what to do.

I think in a lot of ways I find these comfort touch points in my life. Places that I can run to if I don't want to be stretched/uncomfortable/etc. But I feel like that's a slow death that leads into an exceptionally boring life. I don't want that. I'd rather be challenged and out of my mind frustrated and growing than comfortable all the time and slowly becoming an entrenched personality with no room for growth.

Basically I'm trying to shrug off all of the things that bring out the especially ADD aspects of my personality. It's been good so far, but I feel like it's going to take some intentional work to really step back out into community, conversation, etc.

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