I was talking to my friend Jon after chapel this week and we were talking about Peter (the subject of chapel that week) and how it's incredible to actually list out the major events of his life, because he's a lot more flawed than we have a tendency to even realize. I mean, sure, he's the first apostle to understand that Jesus is the Messiah, he's really the rock and catalyst of the church's young growth, he shows an eagerness to completely leave everything behind ... but he's also the apostle that Jesus referred to as "Satan", he cut off a dude's ear, he denied Jesus three times, he isolated himself ethnically and got called out on it by Paul. He was deeply flawed all the way through his life. Looking at that, Jon said that he is really quick to forget that God is so much more about process than product, that he looks at the scope of our lives more than the individual successes or failures.
I'm so about product.
I've got this fiercely competitive side, which has always served me really well in sports as a player, but always leads me to this attitude where I am evaluating whether I'm winning or losing at that moment (no connections to Sheen intended). The problem with this is those fleeting moments are only part of the greater story of my life that God is calling me into. The story that's being woven into the even larger story of those I've been called to be in community with, and even the world that expands so far outside of that. So individual successes our failures while uniquely exciting and frustrating in the moment really have jack squat to do with the bigger picture.
I'm learning to surrender the product to the process, but this is not an easy thing. I was sitting down with a friend of mine and discussing the last season of soccer that I had just finished coaching. We had just lost a tough game and I was really focused on that game as a gauge for how the season had gone. In response to this, my friend stopped me and made me break down my top 5 moments for the season. What was so cool about that was the fact that none of the moments that came to mind were about winning a game, instead they were moments that reflected greater progress, growth, or success in the lives of my players. It really made me realize how easy it is to lose the plot in light of momentary failure and forget about what's truly important.
So I'm still pressing into this one. I don't want to lose sight of appreciating the small victories of the day to day or continuing to seek for fresh victory in areas where I'm falling short/failing, but I want to be more aware of the bigger picture, the larger story.