Monday, March 14, 2011

Finding myself to lose myself.

I'm leaving for the UK in a little over two weeks with my dad. It's been so long since I've traveled just for kicks, which is intriguing in itself because I have a real tendency to associate mission or soul searching or growth with travelling. I go on these intentional trips of soul searching and discovery, but this time I'm just bumming around England and Scotland with my pops. I couldn't be more excited.

I'm fully aware that one of the central aspects of my personality is intensity. I have a tendency to have to assign deep meaning, purpose, narrative to everything. Which on one hand makes for some really interesting and deep experiences in life and on the other hand can get you lost in this cycle where you forget how to lighten up. I feel like there's something so necessary about that: to live life at times just for the sake of living it, to enjoy moments just because they've been given to you, to appreciate rest just because it's restful. It's like that line in "Waiting for the 7.18" by Bloc Party... "give me moments/not hours or days." Sometimes I forget to just chill out and appreciate the blessing of the completely meaningless but fulfilling little stuff that I'm blessed with on a daily basis. I want to write because it's fun, take pictures of things that catch my eye just because they look cool, have conversations about stupid stuff with my dad (like why Lucas ruined the Star Wars trilogy or why Monty Python is amazing), make random guesses about what the next 10 years is going to look like. I just want to rest and live and enjoy myself for a bit. It feels like such a gift to have that experience coming down the pike.

So, at the end of the day, I'm excited to have an opportunity to not think about where I'm at, to not try to find some greater message or metaphor, to not be so concerned with finding deeper purpose. I'm excited just to hang out and see what God does with that. It could be pretty epic.

1 comment:

Emmet said...

Easy, he did it for the same reason a kid stomps his own sandcastle or trashes the house of cards he built... Lucas wanted to be the one to do it.