I'm in the midst of realizing that I've spent far too much time in my life looking over my shoulder, looking to the sides. In my life and in my faith I've been far more concerned with the things that I've been trying not to do than the place that I'm trying to go, the person I'm trying to be, the life that I'm trying to live... most importantly the God I'm trying to follow.
I have no idea why I've been doing this for so long.
I can't think of a single endeavor that succeeds (to it's utmost potential) from mistake avoidance. Whether it's sports, relationships, education, whatever... if you're constantly trying not to mess up you'll never achieve the full potential you've been given. And I've been doing this in almost everything that I'm focused on right now. I've focused on avoiding failure above achieving some greater level of success. I know that this is all kind of "Life 101" but I'm just realizing the extent to which I do it. I want my faith to be about moving towards something, about moving towards God, a deeper relationship, as opposed to focusing on trying not to fail. I know I have a long, long way to go, but I'd rather be constantly moving forward, no matter how slow, rather than constantly trying not to let everyone down, trying not to do things that I think reflect badly on what I believe.