Freedom is a weird thing when it comes to worship. It's something I've experienced when in the assembly (audience? church body? i dunno) but hadn't really ever experienced when leading. You're so worried about the technique and what the band is doing and hitting the right chords and being sensitive to what God is doing. At least this is the sort of methodical practice that I've fairly consistently gone into in the past. I'd lead with a real focus on trying to do it well. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with that per say. I truly believe that leading in an intentional way is extremely important. But a funny thing happened last week. I felt like the Holy Spirit just unleashed. I mean truly started to do some business in the High School I lead worship at. It was amazing, there's a part of me that still get's physically excited when I think about it.
I want that again... I want it again soon
But the funny thing is I'm super tempted to do the exact kind of stuff over again to try and duplicate the experience. Which, I think, is dangerous because it places a greater value on the process than the fact that God needs to move within the process to unleash that sort of freedom.
I want to trust Him, but I fall all over myself trying to get there
This has largely been a season of learning to be obedient with truly ridiculous things. I wouldn't be surprised at all if tomorrow God asked me to move, or change jobs, or shave my head. I'm not saying any of those things are going to happen, it's just been that type of season. And through that I've been learning that when God shows up it's best to just get out of the way. To step into the holy flood of what he's pouring out instead of trying to channel it or move it or shape it. I really want to experience more of that flood. Because I suck on doing stuff on my own.
I have an inflated view of my own ability to impact others
That being said, I'm so grateful for the fact that God still uses this cocky broken spaz of an individual and I pray that this is a season of his Spirit being poured out in a mighty way on the school. Because, it'd be pretty cool if a bunch of students started experiencing His presence in gnarly ways and then everyone would just have to deal with that. I'd be a fan.