1) "Why Do I Keep Counting?" The Killers
2) "A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, But For Very Good Reasons" Sufjan Stevens
3) "August in Bethany" Juliana Theory
Understand this is a Dream (The album that August In Bethany came off of) may be the first album that I sang at the top of my lungs to in the car. This was very much at the beginning of my emo phase (some may argue that phase hasn't ended) and it was a time where I was kind of enamored with heartbreak. I would almost aim for it because the pain of being separated from someone was more concrete, more specific and much easier than trying to navigate the doubts and excitement and fears and hope of actually sticking with a relationship. If the relationship ended, I could just hop in my car (which at the time was a black Sentra with Hawaiian seat covers), turn up the knob on my crappy stereo and wail along to the ridiculously over the top "Don't Go!" repeated over and over. It was this anthemic shout of despair. This proclamation that I wished that the relationship had worked. But, if I was honest at the time I would have sung "Get Gone!" because I wanted it to be over so I could wallow in the clarity of a relationship that was over.
It's taken me some time, but I think the me from that era is kind of an idiot. I mean, I understand it, I know where I was coming from, I know all the issues that surround that. But, if I had anything to say to me in that era, it would probably be "Dude, get over it" The uncertainty really is at the core of everything valuable in my life. Every great risk, new venture, job decision, and step of faith of have been anchored in a very real sense of uncertainty. Now, I could, I suppose, go through life subconsciously sabotaging every opportunity I had to be happy that required a level of risk, but that would leave me alone, most likely living in my parents den, and working at Starbucks again. I'm not sure why I'd want to do that. (Now that I say that, I'll end up going back to school some day and will live in my parents den and work at Starbucks, way to jinx yourself Whytey).
I want the adventure now. I want that first step before the bunjee jump, that breathless anticipation that accompanies taking any big step in life. I'd prefer going for it and when I face plant to dust myself and aim for the next challenge rather than wallow in the failure of the last...
Cause that life is gonna be huge